It's been a while. I've been a wee bit busy but oh well. I started writing one of my short stories so I figured I could put some up and see what everyone thought. Comment, criticize, tell me you love it or you hate it. All is welcome.
I guess I just want to know who I am on my own. I've never gotten to experience that for more than a month or two. There has always been someone. I want to take time getting to know people for once. Start over and learn someone from the inside out. Learn all there is, their fears, loves and hates. I want to be friends and learn to trust them blindly. To just be talking over tea and coffee. I want to look into their eyes one day and realize I can't live without them. All their faults are beautiful and a part of what makes me love them. I want to be the one who makes their lives complete and lifts their live's fog. I want to know that I make them a better person and to know that their love does the same for me.
I don't want Romeo and Juliet or Disney's happily ever after. I want something real like Hoobastank's The Reason or Good Charlotte's Silver Screen Romance. I want a soundtrack that's ever changing along side my partner and I. Someone who's loving, notices the little things and true modern gentleman. Someone who's the other half of my soul.
But I have already messed that up. I can't leave Drew. His heart would be broken and I when I think about leaving him I worry about what would happen to him. I wish he and I could just be friends. I love him so much but I'm not in love with him. I'm not sure I ever was. I used to think that if Drew learned some manners I would want to jump his bones. I have come to realize that won't ever change anything. There's just something he doesn't have that I desire.
Sometimes when I'm on social networks I see all my friends who have had children and are getting married and I ponder how they knew. I think about that moment that it hit them that this person was the one they could live with until the end of time. I yearn for their knowledge of how they hold onto that feeling. How do they make it work?
Something always happens though, doesn't it? The people who you looked at for relationship inspiration fall apart. You find out your sister's boyfriend beats her and she's planning to leave him with her daughter. Those two who you never saw apart call it quits after for years. Or the guy who you had a crush on in high school becomes jaded and loses hope for love after his high school sweet heart damages him.